My Heart Hurts

"And we know that God causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son."
~Romans 8:28-29b~

I want it to be one big dream. I want them to re-appear. I want to put them back on my finger and never take them off again...even if it means getting lotion all over them. I want to be given a second chance to be responsible.

But God doesn't always give me what I want. He gives me what is BEST. That's what I keep preaching to myself every time I look at my naked hand. God has given me something to remind me many times a day that I need to rely upon His perfect peace, His glorious grace, His sovereign plan, His superior ways, and His sufficient love. He has given me a ringless finger. I have lost my wedding rings.

Tears fill my eyes just writing this, but I refuse to lie and tell you I'm ok because I know God is sovereign, or that I'm ok because they are just rings, which have no eternal value. I know God is sovereign, and I realize they have no eternal value, but my heart is sad. So sad. I DO feel silly being so grieved over something so material, but this material possession is so dearly precious to me. Nothing could replace the memory of Aaron popping out this brocken black box from his pocket with this beautiful ring in it as he asked me to marry him. It was broken because he opened it so many times to look at it as he anticipated giving it to me. I though it was the most beautiful ring in the whole world, and even though I wasn't happy knowing it must have cost him a fortune, deep down inside he made me feel like a queen. And all those memories came back every time I looked at it. Those rings never lost their brilliance in my eyes.

I have this habit of turning my rings with my thumb to make them straight, so my thumb still naturally does that, but there are no rings to turn. I try so hard to go a few hours without thinking about it, but that habit comes back, and when I feel no rings, I am reminded they are gone. And I am reminded that God is sovereign and that I need to trust in that. I am reminded that God IS GOOD, and I NEED to BELIEVE that. I am reminded that I still have EVERYTHING to be thankful for, because really...I just lost some metal and minerals (well....minerals that my husband worked really hard to pay for....), even if they are precious to me.

My sweet sister called me after receiving an email asking for prayer that we would find them, and she spoke some much needed truths to me about the goodness of God's sovereignty from the book "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges. My heart was so comforted by the things she quoted me, and I am so thankful for her desire to give me the truth. I can't quote anything that she said exactly, but basically....God is totally and completely sovereign over every little detail of my life. He orchestrated this situation to happen for my GREAT good, testing me and refining me into the image of His Son. He wants me to learn something through this trial and wants me to TRUST in His perfect plans for my life. He wants me to respond obediently to this situation that HE has laid before me! And He doesn't want me to beat myself up over my irresponsibility, because He KNEW I would make a mistake and wants me to lean on Him and trust in HIS control over the situation.

God is GOOD. God wants my GOOD. God is using this situation for my GOOD. It is GOOD that this has happened. There is a quote that was first given to me by my sister a few years ago, and I just "happened" to come across it again this week as it was quoted in one of the books I am reading. It couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

"There is nothing---no trouble, no circumstance, no testing---- that van ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes up to Him and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret---for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is!---That is the rest of victory!" ~Alan Redpath~

I realize that this trial is so little in comparison to what could have happened in my life, or to what is happening in many other lives, and that alone is something to be thankful for! I am saved by the king and have a wonderful, healthy husband, and beautiful, healthy daughter....I AM BLESSED beyond most in this world, and I praise Jesus for that. But, please pray for me. Pray that I would rest in the joy of what my Lord is! The tears still come and the desire to find my rings is still there, but I want my Lord to be glorified in my response to this situation, so please pray for me to that end. And of course, please pray with me that the Lord would help us find my rings.

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs His steps." ~Proverbs 16:1,9~