A Joyful Heart Makes a Cheerful Face

"A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken." ~Proverbs 15:13~

A joyful heart..........hmmm..........this, for me, has not been a consistent pattern for the past month or so. In fact, my lack there of has made life a little more difficult. It has put strain on our marriage, has made me angry towards my daughter, has made me feel busier than I am (I just don't get as much done when I am lacking in joy), and has kept me from blogging. Those things should be no surprise, though....sin does indeed have that downward spiral effect.

Why has my heart not always been so joyful? Because my days have been long........very long. Why have they been long? Because my daughter screams a lot. Why does she scream a lot? Because I am a bad mommy.

Ok, ok.......you don't believe me. Well, hopefully I am NOT a bad mommy, but what I am going to share with you is why I havn't blogged in forever. It is because I have been afraid that whoever reads this will think I am a bad mommy, and to be honest, I didn't want anyone thinking that. Especially since for the past 30 days or so I have been wondering if I am myself! Ok...so this is the scoop...

I have been teaching Linnea how to nap on a regular basis....and she has not been too happy with Momma. Some of you are probably thinking, "well, goodness, you should have done that a long time ago," while others are probably thinking, "it's impossible to get a child to nap at the same time every day, and not very loving to let them cry a lot." Or maybe you are thinking something else, but whatever you are thinking, I have thought. I have thought so many different things, wondering if I am doing the right thing, and wondering what is right for Linnea.
I kept asking the Lord why there wasn't any specifics about raising a baby in the Bible :).
Well, Aaron and I both decided that she just needed to learn how to fall asleep on her own, because she is most definitely tired when we put her down.

So that is what we have been teaching her....how to fall asleep by herself and how to stay asleep. I have decided our duaghter is one of the most stubborn babies out there. Everyone used to say she was the perfect baby....buuut, we don't really hear that anymore :). I don't know why the poor thing fights sleep sometimes, but she sure does! This whole napping thing has gone up and down for the past month. Some days are great and some are aweful, and this is why my heart has not always been so cheerful. It is SO hard to hear your daughter scream for lengthy periods of time, and when you know it is "your fault" she is crying, it doesn't seem to help. And when you don't know if you are even doing the "right" thing, it makes it even harder.

But the Lord is SO good......I have learned something I so needed to learn through this. I am Peter. I have faith in the Lord and I know he is good, but when those winds and waves of screaming come, I start sinking. I forget on whom my faith is founded. I forget who sustains me through all things. I forget that I can't do anything good by myself. I forget that the winds and waves are from the Lord...to test my faith...to test my DEPENDANCE. I thought I had to overcome my anger and hardship (over hearing my precious girl cry) all by myself...and that this is not something the Lord could help me with, since it was my decision to let her cry. But I have been so wrong.

"I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." ~Philippians 4:11b-13~

I have also learned something else. I am NOT Paul. I have NOT learned to be content in whatever circumstances. I am most definitely still learning! I have been basing my joy on my circumstances, and not on the glory of the cross and the beauty and power of my great God and Savior. And look at me! I haven't even tasted what it is like to suffer need, to go hungry, or to live with humble means.

BUT...don't you love the "buts" in the Bible!! Praise be to God who brought me up out of my sinking waters. He has shown me that I need to be DEPENDANT on Him for ALL things in life. For my very being...for every decision I make...for my ability to be obedient...for my ability to be joyful. He has showm me where my source of contentment should ALWAYS be!! How thankful I am for this small trial in my life. If these are the things I need to show my my sin and make me more like Christ, than bring it on, Lord!!

I am SO thankful to the Lord to be able to tell you my daughter has started to improve! I don't know if the Lord has decided to bless me now that I have layed my burden at His feet, or if starting her on cereal has been the reason, but she is definitely improving.

So...if you think I am a bad mommy...I understand. Every mother is different, and every baby is different. Over a month ago, I probably would have said it is impossible and cruel to let your child cry herself to sleep and make her take regular naps. I think having a baby has greatly shown me how judgemental I was/am. Aaron and I laugh at the fact that we do so many things we used to judge others for doing. I am very thankful that the Lord has opened my eyes to yet another sin....and I am praying that the Lord continues to chip away at my judgemental heart. There are no rules in the Bible about when to feed your baby and when to put your baby down for a nap...parents have to make that decision for themselves! We have prayed diligently and daily for wisdom and are only doing what we feel is best for our baby girl.

Whew...so now you know! Now that I have confessed, I can come back to the blogging world! HELLO everybody! And boy, am I excited to share what God has been teaching Aaron and I, and where He has been directing our hearts................sometime. :)